My partner’s closeness with his best friend’s girlfriend feels like emotional affair but he says I’m overreacting

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner insists he’s “just being a good friend”, but his closeness with his best mate’s girlfriend is leaving me feeling betrayed and sidelined.

I’m 36, my partner is 38 and we have been together nearly a decade.

We’ve built a life with each other, and for the most part we’re happy.

But over the past year, I’ve noticed him growing unusually close to his best pal’s girlfriend, and it’s making me feel sick with worry.

It started with him helping her out when she had a tough time at work.

I thought it was kind and thoughtful at first, but now she seems to run to him with every problem before even speaking to her own partner.

They text constantly, and I know it’s more than he admits because I’ve seen the notifications flash up when he thinks I’m not looking.

He will happily sit with her for hours, listening and offering advice, yet when it comes to me, he barely wants to talk about my day. She comments on his social media and likes every post, and he engages straight back.

But when we see each other in person, her behaviour is cold and awkward which makes me even more uncomfortable.

I’ve confronted him, and he brushes it off, saying they’re just friends and I’m overreacting. But to me, it feels like an emotional affair.

The intimacy and attention he gives her should be reserved for me, and it hurts to feel like second best.

Am I right to be upset?

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right to feel upset. Emotional intimacy outside of a relationship can be just as painful as physical cheating, especially when it leaves you feeling second best.

Your partner may insist it’s nothing more than friendship, but the fact he invests more time and attention in her than you shows an imbalance that can’t be ignored.

Brushing your worries aside isn’t fair. You have every right to stand up for yourself and make it clear this behaviour is hurting you.

Boundaries are healthy in any relationship, and it’s not unreasonable to expect that his energy and support are directed towards you first.

Try to have an honest conversation about how sidelined you feel and what needs to change for you to feel secure.

Read my support packs, Standing Up For Yourself and Looking After Your Relationship, for help.

WIFE HAS A GO WHEN I’M JUST DOING FAMILY DUTY

DEAR DEIDRE: JUST because I’m close to my mum, my wife says I have “mummy issues”, and it’s driving a wedge between us.

I’m 44, she is 40 and we have been married for 12 years.

My mum is in her seventies and hasn’t been in the best health, so I make a point of seeing her two or three times a week. We talk and cook together, and I help with errands and small tasks.

We’ve always had a close bond, and she now relies on me more for company and little bits of help around the house.

But my wife thinks it’s excessive. She says I “drop everything” for my mum, that she comes first, and even mocks me by calling me a mummy’s boy.

I feel so torn. The last thing I want is to neglect my mum, but I also don’t want my wife to feel pushed aside.

DEIDRE SAYS: Trying to balance your love and duty toward your mum with your wife’s feelings seems challenging.

It is natural to want to support your mum, especially considering her health, and being there for her doesn’t mean you care less about your wife.

The key is setting clear boundaries and communicating openly with your wife about why your visits matter, while also making time just for her.

Scheduling regular couple time can reassure her that she is a priority too.

My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, can help you both reconnect and navigate this together.

FOOD DISORDER RULES MY LIFE

DEAR DEIDRE: FOR most of my life, my relationship with food has been toxic and no matter how hard I try, I constantly feel completely trapped by it.

I’m a 32-year-old woman, and as a teenager I swung between starving myself, bingeing and making myself sick.

At the time I thought it was just a phase, but even though I no longer purge, the obsession has never gone away. Instead, it’s shifted into strict calorie-counting, rigid food rules and constant guilt.

Every day revolves around what I should and shouldn’t eat. If I slip up, I punish myself with harsh self-talk or by restricting even more. Then, eventually, I crack and binge, which leaves me drowning in shame and disgust with myself.

On the outside, no one would guess how bad it is. I’ve got a good job, friends and a busy life, but inside I’m constantly preoccupied. I spend so much mental energy on food that I struggle to focus on anything else.

I want to enjoy meals without panic, to feel normal around food, but the thought of losing control terrifies me. I feel like I’ve wasted years on this ­battle, and I don’t know how to finally break free. How can I escape the cycle?

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been stuck in this painful cycle for so long, it’s no wonder you feel exhausted and desperate to be free.

Eating disorders don’t just vanish with age – the patterns and rules you describe are a sign you’re still struggling, even if you’re no longer purging.

You deserve a healthier, kinder relationship with food, and there is help out there.

My support pack, Eating Disorders, offers guidance on recognising the cycle and starting to break it.

Also, consider reaching out to Beat, the UK’s leading eating disorder charity (beateatingdisorders.org.uk, 0808 801 0677).