HOW we chuckled and chortled when Jeremy Corbyn’s Your Party descended into farcical in-fighting around, oh, five minutes after their formation.
Your Party’s co-founder, ex-Labour MP Zarah Sultana, has accused Jezbollah Corbyn of overseeing a “sexist boys’ club”.
Jezza himself complained that Sultana’s efforts to flog £55 memberships was “unauthorised” and he was seeking legal advice.
How the jokes about His Party and Her Party flew.
How the comical rift among the comrades recalled the split between the People’s Front of Judea and the Judean People’s Front in the Life Of Brian.
Wait until they start asking each other if a woman can have a todger.
But it is not just the loopy Left that fights among itself.
Together, Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage were an unstoppable force in British politics.
The loose alliance between BoJo and Nigel delivered Brexit AND Johnson’s landslide victory at the 2019 General Election — when Nigel did not stand his Brexit Party candidates in 317 Tory seats, generously giving BoJo a clear path to 10 Downing Street.
Johnson and Farage were a powerful alliance of patriotic power.
But as the Libertines sang: “You can’t stand me now.”
The big buzzword in the Reform lexicon is “Boriswave” — blaming the post-Brexit surge in immigration on Boris.
Speaking to my colleague Harry Cole, BoJo angrily lashed back, accusing Reform of being soft on Russia.
Why does it matter?
Because together, the Tories and Reform UK could deliver us from this clueless, witless Labour Government.
But apart, we are heading toward many years of shagged-out socialism — either under some hideous rainbow coalition or a Labour Government led by Andy Burnham, whose only route to power is prostrating himself before his party’s hard Left.
Reform remain the bookies’ hot favourites to win the most seats at the next general election. But current polling has them falling short — just — of an overall working majority. Common sense suggests the Conservatives and Reform should work together.
Taxi rides
But Reform believe they can bury the Tories for ever.
Their loathing of Boris is not for show. Reform’s true believers despise BoJo as a closet metropolitan liberal, a David Cameron clone who cynically knew which side his Brexit was buttered on.
“We certainly would not welcome Boris Johnson — that’s never going to happen,” Reform’s head of policy, Zia Yusuf, told Sky’s Trevor Phillips, branding Boris “one of the worst prime ministers in British history”
Reform UK’s Nigel Farage and Richard Tice[/caption]
Boris, stung, spat back at Reform: “You want to kick out the nurses?”
It’s a good question.
Reform, for all their momentum, will one day have to confront a difficult truth — this country needs immigrants.
Yes, we all feel our blood pressure spike when reading about asylum seekers taking £600 taxi rides to see a GP for their poor little knee.
But there ARE immigrants who contribute enormously to this country — and we need them.
Will Reform ever be able to admit it?
There is no hope of reconciliation between Boris and Farage.
But there is still hope that the Tories and Reform will form some kind of partnership in the national interest. There MUST be hope.
Because a patriotic pact of the Right is our country’s ONLY hope.
Rod no thirty rascal
“I’M the oldest woman Rod’s ever slept with,” Penny Lancaster tells Woman & Home Magazine.
“And that happened a long time ago. When I met him, the oldest woman he’d ever slept with was 30.”
A lovely story. But sadly not true. Penny forgets Britt Ekland.
“She was 32,” Rod writes of Britt in his autobiography.
“Two years older than me but whole decades more worldly. Of course you’ll be asking: “But what did you see in the full-lipped, blonde, Swedish film star and internationally recognised Bond girl?”
Rod and Britt were together for just over two years, so Ekland was 34 at the end of their relationship.
But then if you are going to sleep with an older woman, a Swedish Bond girl in her thirties is not a bad choice.
KING of the North Andy Burnham, Manchester Mayor, is looking for a safe Labour seat to propel his quest to replace Sir Keir Starmer.
There’s one problem with that, Andy.
In Blighty in 2025, there is no such thing as a safe Labour seat.
OAP it’s not me
WHEN she died at the age of 117 last year – 117! – Spain’s Maria Branyas Morera was the oldest person in the world.
She survived two world wars, the Spanish Civil War, Franco’s Fascist state, a Spanish flu pandemic – and Covid.
Now boffins who were studying Maria’s longevity believe her long-life secret was eating three yoghurts a day.
Dr Manel Esteller said: “She did not have a taste for food with high fat, for example. No alcohol at all. Yoghurt was something she really liked.”
It might be worth three yoghurts a day for a long life. But no alcohol?
You might not live to be 117. But it will feel like it.
Sydney to be the new Pammie? No bay!
BAYWATCH is coming back!
And bets are being placed on who will skip across the sand sporting the famous scarlet one-piece bathing suit.
One name in the frame is Hollywood’s hottest property – Sydney Sweeney.
It’s an appealing idea.
But if there is one actress who is not dreaming of being the new Pamela Anderson, then it is probably Sydney.
After her Emmy-nominated performance in Euphoria, and as a teenage brat in The White Lotus, and a twenty-something brat in Echo Valley, and her Oscar-bait role as boxer Christy Martin, Sweeney might reasonably believe that jiggling in Pamela Anderson’s sandy footsteps is a backward step for her career.
She would be dead right.
Expecting Sydney Sweeney to sign up for a reboot of Baywatch is a lot like expecting Robert de Niro to start managing the Queen Vic in EastEnders, or Al Pacino pull pints in the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street.
Shame. Sydney does look undeniably adorable in red.
ACTRESS Lily James reports that she has just had her first filling – at the ripe old age of 36.
Lily places the blame on vapes.
“Apparently, they can really mess up your teeth,” she says. “I’d never had a filling before – and I have one now.”
I have no idea about the long-term effect of vaping on your gnashers.
But getting to 36 before you have the first filling in your life is, I would suggest, bloody good going.
Especially for those of us who grew up thinking that a Mars bar was health food that helped you work, rest and play.
Spare us Andy
AS alarming details emerge about Fergie’s grovelling friendship with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, the King is urged to further distance himself from Sarah and her disgraced (but still weirdly close) ex-husband, Prince Andrew.
The fear is that if Charles cuts Andrew and Fergie off completely, his wayward brother may do a Prince Harry and write a tell-all memoir.
I doubt it.
Any memoir would need to be ghost-written, like Harry’s Spare.
And I just can’t see that happening with the Andy formerly known as Randy.
If the portly prince has an IQ higher than his shoe size, Andrew will never again be in the same room as a journalist.
Not after that catastrophic interview with Emily Maitlis.
Kingly U-turn POTUS
THE world is stunned at President Trump’s sudden U-turn on the war in Ukraine.
But not regular readers of this newspaper – and not me.
Seven days ago, Mystic Parsons predicted Trump’s U-turn.
The POTUS sat listening to our King’s powerful speech during Trump’s historic second state visit – and it was obvious Donald could never suck up to Putin again.
“Today, as tyranny once again threatens Europe,” Charles said at the banquet in Trump’s honour, “we and our allies stand together to support Ukraine, to deter aggression and secure peace.”
Our King made Putin sound exactly like one more murderous tyrant who needs to be crushed.
The President returned to Washington – and immediately U-turned.
After making Mad Vlad Putin seem like a beloved special friend for so long, this week Donald posted on his Truth Social platform that Ukraine, “could get back the original borders from where this war started – maybe even go further than that!”
The world may be surprised. I saw it coming. Do let me know if you need the winning numbers for Tuesday’s Euromillions.
