I REMEMBER feeling so excited to be with a tall, dark, and handsome man. He was physically fit, and I was expecting earth-shattering orgasms.
But once we got naked, let’s just say the night didn’t go as planned – and I found myself struggling to find a sexy solution.
She answers a question from one reader whose toyboy romance hit an unexpected snag[/caption]
To put it frankly, my date was struggling to stay hard. I spent ages performing some ‘bedroom CPR’, trying to bring him back to life, but nothing worked.
Eventually, he admitted he was dealing with crippling performance anxiety.
I was reminded of this encounter when I received a letter from a reader who had a similar experience with someone she had expected fireworks with.
I’m The Sun’s Sexpert and in my no-holds-barred column this week, I share my top tips for amazing sex and how to tackle performance anxiety head-on.
Q. I’m in a new relationship with a hot toyboy and sex did NOT go as expected.
Yes, he’s nearly 20 years younger than me – I’m 43, he’s 25.
I don’t know what the long-term future holds, but for now, I’m just trying to enjoy it.
We had sex for the first time the other night, and honestly, it wasn’t what I expected.
I was bracing myself for fireworks, passion, the whole shebang… but instead, it felt more like a damp squib.
He was struggling to keep an erection and kept going soft. I felt embarrassed, wondering if maybe he didn’t find me attractive.
I never expected someone so young to have this kind of problem. Then, out of nowhere, he whipped out a Viagra and said, “Problem solved!”
After that, we did have good sex – but I couldn’t help feeling a bit deflated. Does he really need a pill to feel attracted to me? How do I stop feeling self-conscious about it?
Georgie says: Firstly, this has nothing to do with how attractive you are. Trust me! It’s actually usually the complete opposite.
It’s a common misconception that if a man can’t get – or keep – an erection, it means he’s not attracted to his partner.
In reality, that’s nonsense. Men of all ages can experience performance anxiety, which can lead to erectile dysfunction. For most, it’s more about nerves than a lack of desire.
He may have been so eager to please you that he didn’t want to risk letting you down.
Georgie says younger men are attracted to older women because of their confidence[/caption]
The fact he had the little blue pill on hand suggests this isn’t the first time he’s dealt with the issue – he came prepared. But it’s unlikely to have anything to do with your age.
In fact, many younger men are attracted to older women precisely because of their confidence – both in and out of the bedroom.
Younger men might bring the stamina, but older women usually know exactly what they want in bed, and they aren’t afraid to ask for it.
An age-gap relationship is generally considered anything with ten or more years between partners. Whether it works often depends on where both people are in their lives.
For instance, a relationship between a 60-year-old woman and a 50-year-old man might feel more balanced than one between a 25-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman.
He whipped out the Viagra and said, ‘Problem solved!’
Sun reader
At that stage, he may be focused on carving out a career while she could already have, or be thinking about starting, a family – and that mismatch can complicate things.
That said, when it comes to sex, plenty of younger men are turned on by the idea of being with an older woman. Just look at the popularity of MILF porn among younger guys.
Age-gap relationships can absolutely work – and with the right mindset, so can the sex. Here are my tips to make both as enjoyable as possible – and ways to help with performance anxiety.
Show, don’t tell
Most men are drawn to older women because of their confidence. So don’t be afraid to speak up about what you want in bed and take control.
Let him know when he’s doing something right or show him what you enjoy – it’ll be a massive turn-on.
When you take charge, he also doesn’t have to worry about performing, which can help him maintain an erection and last longer.
Since men are such visual creatures, try mixing it up with reverse cowgirl – you on top but facing away from him.
It’s one of men’s favourite positions for lasting the course, and perfect for hitting the G-spot. Win-win!
Slow down
Younger men can sometimes get so excited about being with an older woman that they rush in at full throttle, rather than taking the time to explore your body and focus on foreplay.
If you take the pressure off sex and enjoy the build-up together, it can help ease any performance anxiety.
Stay calm
One of the worst things you can do is criticise, laugh at, or mock your partner if he’s struggling with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
That will only make the problem worse. Instead, stay calm and casual. Reassure him it’s not a big deal — and take the lead.
Try edging
Try edging – something he can do on his own, or you can guide him through it. Bring him to the edge of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat this process, and over time it can help him maintain an erection and last longer in bed.
A survey of British men found nearly 60 per cent have avoided sex due to performance anxiety at some point in their lives[/caption]
Use lube
As women get older, they may need more lubrication for comfortable, enjoyable sex.
This is often due to vaginal dryness caused by declining estrogen levels, which can make intercourse uncomfortable or even painful.
Talk dirty
I love it when a guy talks dirty – it shows confidence and is a huge turn-on.
It’s also a fun way to tell him what you like in bed and give him the chance to open up about his own desires, deepening your sexual connection.
To really fire him up and boost his confidence, try saying something like, “You’re so sexy, I love it when you do X, Y, Z.”
It not only turns him on but can help ease performance anxiety too.
Rule out anything medical
If you’ve tried different approaches in bed and he’s still struggling after several months, it may be time for him to visit his GP to rule out any underlying medical issues.
If the problem is more psychological, speaking to a sex therapist could be very helpful.
