DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my mum and I fell behind on our rent, our landlord came up with an X-rated solution – becoming a cam girl.
His suggestion has nearly cleared our debts, but now I’ve met a lovely new boyfriend and I feel trapped.
I’m 24, my mum is 48. We’ve lived in our flat since I was born. Dad left when I was three.
Mum and I get along well, but I struggled at school and have only had minimum-wage jobs and she hasn’t worked for years because of her mental health.
Last Christmas I lost my supermarket job and mum and I rapidly fell into debt.
When our rent was three months’ late, the landlord called round. I was terrified, expecting him to evict us, but he was very understanding.
He suggested I try making content for cam websites, saying I’d make a fortune because I’m so pretty. Mum was horrified, but the landlord said he’d help.
He helped me set up my account and soon, I was a fully fledged adult creator. I dance in my underwear, and offer exclusive, explicit content to subscribers.
With my landlord’s help, my account soon took off and money started coming in.
The landlord was delighted, and even encouraged mum to set up her own account.
Two months ago, I was out with a friend and she introduced me to her brother.
I think I’m falling in love with him. He’s kind and funny, and he seems genuine about me too. My only worry is that I haven’t told him about my cam work.
He’s a red-blooded man in his 20s and I’m worried he’ll find out about my account.
If I tell him upfront, he might dump me — most of my content is very hot because that brings in the most money.
What should I do? Please don’t tell me to go back to minimum- wage jobs.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I know this work seemed like the answer to your prayers at the time – but long-term, it’s holding you back.
Having a job you can talk about with family and friends would be less stressful and more fun than living in fear of being found out.
And I’m not certain your landlord has your best interests at heart, either. How long before he starts making other, more personal, demands on you both?
I’m also concerned about your mum. If she already struggles with her mental health, this kind of work could push her into depression, or even addiction.
Please use your lovely new partner as a catalyst for making positive changes in your life.
As a start, I’m sending you my pack Help For Jobseekers. It’s been fully updated for 2025 with lots of advice.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
WIFE-TO-BE HURT BY HER SON’S SNUB
DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée’s son flat out refuses to come to our wedding because he doesn’t like me.
I met her five years ago on a dating app and although we lived 150 miles apart, we got on really well and eventually started meeting at weekends.
She’s 45 now. When we met, her son was 20 and living at home.
A year later, he moved out to live with friends in London and she came to live with me.
That’s when the problems started.
We invited her son to stay for a week over Christmas. He turned up late on Christmas Eve, already drunk, with no presents for anyone.
That upset my partner so I pulled him aside for a quiet word, and he kicked off. He stayed in his room then left on Boxing Day.
Since then, he has always made excuses not to visit us. Last year I proposed and our wedding is set for next spring.
My partner’s dad died when she was little so she had her heart set on her son walking her down the aisle.
He has point blank refused, and says he’s not going to come at all.
He won’t give reasons other than he doesn’t like me and thinks that our marriage won’t last.
While I’m not the type to dwell over people’s opinions of me, this is upsetting my partner and we need to sort it out.
What can we do?
DEIDRE SAYS: If he won’t say exactly what’s bothering him, he’s not opening the door to sorting things out. His refusal to come to your wedding sounds like he wants your partner to pick which side she’s on – which is unfair on her.
You might never be able to develop a close relationship with her son, but you don’t want him to drive a wedge into your relationship with his mum.
Ask him to go for a coffee and explain that for the sake of his mum, it would be good to establish a civil relationship.
You can reach out with an olive branch, apologising for the fact you have both got off to a bad start.
Ask what you can do to improve your relationship.
I recommend that you talk things through with Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222). It is a charity dedicated to helping families sort out their problems, and it offers a free, confidential live-chat service.
LIFE ON PAUSE SINCE ASSAULT
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM struggling to move on from a sexual assault I suffered 15 years ago.
At the time I was 16 and working in a fast-food restaurant. The manager was in his 40s and had a reputation for being “creepy” with young girls.
One night, he pulled me into the toilets and sexually assaulted me.
I reported him to the police years later, but the case was dropped due to lack of evidence. My life has been on pause ever since.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been very brave to take this forward to the police and to write to me.
In June, the Government launched a pilot of the Victims’ Right to Review where you can appeal against a decision made by the CPS.
So I recommend you talk to Rights of Women (rightsofwomen.org.uk, 020 7251 6577).
This is a family law advice line for women, especially those affected by domestic or sexual violence. You will also get support from Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 500 2222) who will understand your need for justice.
SEX CLINIC
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN it comes to our sex drives, my partner and I are night and day – literally.
The issue is, I only really enjoy, or feel excited about, sex during the day.
My partner really isn’t into that. He only wants to get intimate when it’s bedtime.
We’ve hit a deadlock and it’s stopping us from having romps at all.
We met six months ago and our relationship is otherwise great. We fancy each other and have a lot of fun. I’m 27 and he’s 34.
Ideally, I’d have sex when I wake up, or at lunchtime.
By the time I go to bed I feel exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is expend more energy! Plus I like to do my skincare, read a self-help book and generally wind down to sleep. If I have sex, I find I’m too revved up afterwards to relax.
My boyfriend, however, seems to get a lust surge later in the day.
We’ve been having sex at his preferred time but now I’m getting resentful.
The other morning, he had stayed over at my flat so I suggested we enjoy a sexy shower together. He looked at me horrified, like I was a sex pest.
But by 11pm that night, he was offering to pop round again to “treat” me. I just wanted to sleep.
DEIDRE SAYS: Most people have a personal preference for when they have sex. It’s partly influenced by hormones.
Men and women start the day with higher testosterone levels, which can put us in the mood first thing.
Added to which women often have an oestrogen surge at 3pm, making them feel more loving and affectionate in the middle of the day.
But lifestyle plays a part too. You have busy days, which leave you too tired for sex later in the evening.
However, your partner might prefer to build up to sex throughout the day – thinking about it first, and enjoying anticipating what will happen.
I’m sending you my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, which gives advice on how to find a compromise.
For example, perhaps you could try having sex in the early evening after work, before you go on a date or have dinner.
GUILTY FOR LEAVING MY DOG IN LAST MOMENTS
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T forgive myself for leaving the room when my beloved dog was being put down.
It’s been over four years, but the image of her face still haunts me.
She was a cocker spaniel. She’d had a good life but when she was 15 she developed cancer.
When there was nothing more the vet could do, we decided to end her suffering.
But as she lay on the blanket in the vet’s office, I couldn’t bear to watch her die. I kissed her and left the room. I feel so guilty.
DEIDRE SAYS: Guilt is a very common emotion when you are grieving.
But please try to be gentle on yourself. You gave your dog a long, happy life filled with love and companionship.
I know you are haunted by her final moments, but do try to keep happy memories uppermost in your mind. You were trying to do what was best for her.
Talk to your friends about everything you loved about her. You may also find it helpful to get in touch with the Blue Cross (bluecross.org.uk) to talk about what happened.
