A SINGLE mum has opened up about her life as a “tradwife-in-training” before her fiance cruelly ghosted her and left her with next to nothing.
Elaina St James, 58, put her career and ambitions on hold to support her partner while they made plans to start a family.
Elaina St James embraced the ‘tradwife’ role with her ex[/caption]
Elaina has become richer and more successful since her relationship ended[/caption]
Her own mother was a stay-at-home mum and Elaina admits it was her dream to get married early, have children and a nice family life.
She told Fabulous: “I wanted the white picket fence, suburban dream.
“In my 20’s and 30’s although I had a bit of an entrepreneurial spirit and was successful in my sales career, it always just felt like something I was doing until I met ‘the one’.
“Everything I did, I had in the back of my mind wanting to be the kind of woman that would attract a great guy.”
Elaina, who had enjoyed a successful career in sales and owned her own home, met her ‘Mr Right’ on a dating site in 2004 when she was 36.
He was five years her senior, lived in plush Orange County, California and worked as a lawyer.
He was also keen to have a child and Elaina quickly quit her life in Wisconsin to make the 2,000-mile move to California, with them getting engaged soon after.
She admits she easily fell into the role of a “tradwife” in the home and didn’t work as, she claims, her fiance didn’t want her to.
A tradwife (short for traditional wife) is a woman who chooses to take on an ultra traditional role in marriage, meaning she makes dinner and looks after the home whilst her husband goes to work- taking care of his every whim.
The trend takes inspiration from the idea of a 1950s housewife, with the woman falling completely reliant on her husband for money.
In her loved-up bubble, Elaina admits her traditional role “felt great” at the time.
She says: “I was ready to settle down. I wanted to be his wife and to become a mother. I loved him so much and wanted to take care of him.
“He knew that I loved him – that I was loyal to him. He called me the love of his life and without question I felt the same about him.
“So taking care of someone that you love and thinking that every home improvement, buying kitchen gadgets, towels, linen, dishes, etc – I was building our life – our future family.”
“But he wasn’t an easy man to please no matter how much I tried”, she adds.
“Being in that role made me very vulnerable and scared. He didn’t reassure, rather I kept feeling I had to prove my worth.
“And since I wasn’t earning money, I felt I couldn’t make any requests. It was his house, his car I drove (he had leased it for me), my phone was on his plan, my health insurance was under his company.
“But most importantly I felt the pressure to get pregnant as soon as possible. Both because I wanted to be a mum but also to prove my worth and secure my place. It’s really sad when I look back on it.”
Elaina was well travelled and independent before meeting her ex[/caption]
He soon controlled all the household finances and didn’t want Elaina to work[/caption]
Sadly, their relationship started to crumble when the couple struggled to get pregnant after multiple rounds of IVF.
Elaina’s cowardly fiance eventually broke up with her by email after four years together and parcelled her belongings back to Wisconsin, where she had thankfully kept her home.
Beyond that, she was left with very little to her name, didn’t even have a mobile phone of her own and was forced to start again.
Fast forward 18 years, Elaina has a 15-year-old son – conceived with a sperm donor – and has made £1million ($1.5m) on OnlyFans.
Her racy venture is so successful that she even out-earns her ex now.
She said: “It [my earnings] feels satisfying because I remember how vulnerable I felt when he held all the power.
“When he dumped me by email I felt like garbage – thrown away, no worth. My self-esteem was shattered.
“So finding this success, especially after struggling financially as a solo mum is wonderful.
“I’m not sure when it dawned on me that I was making more than he did but I do find irony in it.
Elaina achieved her dream of becoming a mum by herself[/caption]
“I don’t wish him any pain. I did love him deeply, but I let myself become completely dependent on a man who wasn’t capable of giving me the love and security that I needed.
“I allowed that to happen mostly because I didn’t want to be a solo mum. I wanted the dream. In retrospect, if we had been successful and had a child it might have been terrible.
“He dumped me and married a woman about a decade younger than me but they ended up divorcing after a few years.”
Elaina was initially sceptical about the earning potential on OnlyFans but was lured in after seeing other creators talk about their success.
Within her first three months, the single mum had made £7,500 ($10,000) thanks to her spicy content.
And now she has passed the million pound mark, with no financial worries about holidays or her son’s future.
She puts her success down to a “mix of scarcity and authenticity” and has been hailed as an inspiration by other women.
She says: “I’m older, there just aren’t that many women over 50, let alone over 55 doing what I do. There are so many in their 20’s and 30’s.
“I present myself as who I am and I smile. When I started posting online I was struck by how many women tried to look sexy but just came off as dull or angry.
“For me I thought it was a kick that I was able to do this and people wanted to see it.
Elaina has raked in £1m through OnlyFans[/caption]
Elaina says there aren’t many women over 55 on the platform[/caption]
She credits a mix of scarcity and authenticity for her success[/caption]
Elaina even out-earns her ex now[/caption]
“I remember telling my mum for the first time and she responded with amused disbelief. She thought it was great fun. She passed away about a year ago and I think of her when I have some success or am able to afford a vacation.
“I think my genuine attitude of gratitude and my intent with all my content to make others happy, to lighten their load, spread some sunshine, I think that’s a huge part of my success.
“I have experienced dreadful lows and if I can inspire someone or just make them smile, then I’ve done my job.
“It’s not all about the spicy content, but even with my spicy content on OnlyFans and Fansly I stay positive.
“Yes I’m a little mischievous, cheeky as my British fans call me. I provide a positive but genuine look into my life as a 58-year-old woman.
“I love my fans but I also love the people that follow me – women that I hear from often that tell me I’m an inspiration. We all need inspiration.
“Mine was Cher and Dolly Parton growing up – strong, resilient women who have not faded away – they have stayed visible and viable.
“Aging is a privilege and you can choose your mindset about it. On a larger scale that’s what I bring to the world (and to my OnlyFans!)”
And you couldn’t offer Elaina all the money and security in the world to return to the tradwife way of life.
“I have moved on so far from that”, she insists.
“The lure isn’t there anymore.
“I became a mum on my own and my son is almost grown. It hasn’t been easy but I’ve done it and now that I know freedom. I haven’t been serious enough romantically to live with a man since my ex. As Taylor Swift wrote in The Fate of Ophelia “I swore my loyalty to me, myself, and I”
