WELCOME to the club, Tamzin Outhwaite!
Yes this is the place for women who are loving life — single and unattached.
There is a whole new cohort of women in their 40s and 50s who are having a realisation that they do not need a man to reach a level of contentment[/caption]
Tamzin Outhwaite is having a love affair with herself after splitting from her boyfriend Tom Child last year[/caption]
After splitting from her boyfriend, Tom Child — 20 years her junior — last year, she has a new-found appreciation of life on her own without having to tend to the needs of a man. In short, she’s having a love affair with herself and has spoken about her non-sexual awakening.
And this totally fits with a recent survey that claims that, by 2030, 45 per cent of prime working age women will be single.
Yes, there is a whole new cohort of women in their 40s and 50s — even younger — who are having a realisation that they themselves are enough. They do not need a man to reach a level of happiness or contentment.
Women have come to understand that IF they want a partner, it has to be someone who “adds to” or “enhances” their life.
The sad truth is that the dating pool out there seems to be full of men who lack intention and direction — who are not capable of committing or being consistent, and worse still, only offer us breadcrumbs of energy and effort.
So, why would any woman bother with that when they are feeling strong and empowered by themselves?
There is talk of men going through a “loneliness epidemic” because they are not connecting and opening up. But this “epidemic” has been entirely of their own making.
Quite frankly, if they’re not willing to put effort into situations and relationships then it only stands to reason that they are going to feel lonely and isolated.
I speak as a woman who has been single for some seven years after spending most of my adult life in relationships or marriages. I always felt obliged, in a society that saw single women as outliers, to be attached to someone to be happy and be accepted by the wider world.
If you’re a single woman, you are considered to have been left on the shelf, unwanted, troubled, difficult and definitely broken. And I can’t deny, I was also conditioned to believe this trope.
My maternal instincts told me that I would, in fact, need a man, so the prospect of being single was almost a fate worse than death and one to be avoided at all costs.
I was also reluctant to take a breather between relationships because I needed to plough ahead and find my next mistake.
Oh, how my mindset has changed!
In the intervening time since my divorce, there have been a few “situationships” (the modern term for being with someone but not fully committing).
Nothing has stuck — nothing made it past a few months because fundamentally, the men on offer have been lacking in effort and intent.
Besides, it has dawned on me that I love my independence and being on my own.
That does not make me a freak of nature. I’m just done with raising kids and managing men who can’t match my energy or my ability to change lightbulbs and bleed the radiators.
It’s not that we’re a bunch of raucous men-haters who are out to destroy men’s reputations.
Fly in the ointment
Instead, we’re here to lift ourselves and others up. We’re finding strength in numbers and the fact that we do not have to be in a society-approving relationship. We can dictate our own terms and boundaries.
Sadly, running alongside this amazing rise of “sisters doing it for themselves”, is a deterioration in many men’s behaviour and attitudes.
I’m done with managing men who can’t match my energy or my ability to change lightbulbs, says Ulrika[/caption]
Courtesy of dating apps etc, men have now been led to believe there is infinite choice and they don’t need to show commitment — they don’t even need to put in any effort. Most don’t even bother texting back.
It’s the perfect storm. Because if men were gloriously behaved, showing both respect and consistency, we women could consider a coupling on equal terms where both parties have independence but are also dedicated.
Instead, women are finding joy and happiness away from men who often turn out to be disappointing.
Of course, the giant elephant in the room is sex and intimacy. It’s not impossible on your own but we are animals in need of another person’s touch — I certainly am. And that is the fly in the ointment.
For unconditional love, cuddles and company, I can rely on my dog.
Belonging to the singles club and having, as Tamzin says, “a love affair with myself”, is a beautiful thing and one to be admired and held aloft rather than denigrated.
Being single, nowadays, is much more about choice than about misfortune.
It’s not being single that sucks.
It’s dating.
QUIT’S DOWN TO YOU
Lulu has revealed she battled with alcohol addiction for years before seeking help[/caption]
WHILE it’s never nice to read that someone has struggled with alcohol addiction, I was heartened by Lulu revealing that she has battled with it for years before seeking help.
People talking publicly increases the chances that someone else who is having problems, will recognise themselves and try to make changes.
At the same time, Wayne Rooney has paid tribute to the wonderful Coleen for sticking with him through his addiction and for being there to support him – not that we needed further proof how amazing she is.
Many relationships falter in the face of alcoholism or substance abuse but sometimes partners are able to rise to the occasion and be a constant for the person suffering.
But all that actually matters, if you are an addict, is your willingness to give up and that has to come from you and you alone.
Having support is all well and good but you have to want to beat the addiction yourself.
That’s my own personal experience and it was key to my recovery.
CARD BORED
WE’VE already had enough talk of ID cards and the announcement came only a few days ago.
I speak as someone who comes from a country, Sweden, which has them. Well, in fact, we have four digits at the end of our date of birth which identifies us everywhere and anywhere. This sits well with the Swedes – they’ll do anything for the common good.
But as a legal alien in this country, having come here 46 years ago, with an NI number and indefinite leave to remain, I still have issues “proving” myself because I don’t have a British passport.
Since the Home Office decided to go digital, I spent months earlier this year trying to get a share code to prove my eligibility to renew my mortgage. It was a nightmare.
So, forgive me if I feel an ID card will not be the solution to illegal immigrants living or working here. If they can work here without an NI number but a law-abiding citizen like me struggles to prove my right to be here, I don’t see the point.
Just another way of keeping tabs on us because a minority are breaking the rules.
ROSES POWER TO WIN
The Red Roses becoming World Champs was so exciting[/caption]
I KNOW nothing about rugby except I do love to watch live sport whenever I can – who doesn’t want to watch “guys with thighs” running up and down a pitch on a Sunday afternoon.
Watching the Red Roses become world champs, as I and 5.8million others did, was so exciting.
But it also made me reflect on the modern world where women have been trying to become smaller by injecting themselves in a bid to fit the societal ideal of slim or skinny.
Yet, here was a team of women of all shapes and sizes showing their utter strength, size, sway, muscle and power.
Proving that it isn’t size that matters. It’s the potential of our bodies – muscles et al – that brings us supremacy, capability and success.
There’s body confidence right there.
SORRY DAVID, I DON’T WANT TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS
David Gandy’s fitness regime sounds exhausting[/caption]
DAVID GANDY – you know, the bloke wot is the most handsomest man alive and has been the highest-earning male model over the past 20 years – well, him.
He’s shared the routine wot keeps him looking as fit as he does at 45 years old.
He works out for an hour a day, has no processed food, no fizzy drinks, doesn’t eat before noon so he can practice his 12-hour fasting, only drinks coffee and water before a photoshoot and insists he has had no cosmetic treatment.
David, dear, that’s also because it’s all in the genes and you’re one lucky bugger.
And while he’s outrageously beautiful, he’s too pretty for me (as if he even cares). I prefer men with interesting faces and big hooters; wonky eyes or unruly eyebrows.
But I know much of the nation will lust after Gandy and his new underpants range.
Personally, his regime sounds exhausting and I would happily settle for a bloke wot texts back regularly.
ANDY’S HANDY
Andy Burnham has been able to achieve more for Manchester in his eight years as Mayor than any PM has done for the country for decades[/caption]
I’VE always had a crush on little Andy Burnham.
I don’t know what it is – crushes are inexplicable.
It could be that he’s challenged in the height department or it could be his thickly-lashed eyes or the conviction with which he speaks.
One thing he has proved is that, despite having failed twice to become leader of the Labour Party, he’s been able to achieve more for Manchester in his eight years as Mayor than any PM has done for the country for decades.
Now, it looks like he might be throwing his hat in the ring for party leader yet again, so I’d be hugely excited to see what he could do for this great nation.
So, if Manchester don’t mind letting him go. We’ll have him.
Or I certainly will.
