My husband is constantly pressuring me into swinging and wants to buy a house big enough to host sex parties

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband persuaded me to go to a sex party and now he’s looking to buy a new house that’s big enough to host our own swinger nights.

I only agreed to going and “playing” as a one-off because he ground me down but he won’t leave it alone.

He talks about it constantly, pressures me to look at websites, and even makes comments about which of our friends would be “up for it”.

He wants to go again but I can’t face it.

He brings it up at the worst times, like when I’m stressed from work or trying to relax, and it’s starting to affect my mood and confidence.

That night was not my scene. He went with two other women and invited another man over to get to know me.

He encouraged us both to explore each other while he sat back and watched.

I put a brave face on but I don’t want a repeat.

We are in our early fifties and now our children have all left home we are thinking about downsizing. But whenever we look around a new property all he can think about is where the “playroom” would go.

This should be an exciting step for both of us but has become a source of constant stress, and I’m worried our relationship won’t survive. We’ve been married for 18 years and it’s been a happy, loving relationship.

But a couple of years ago, he suggested we “spice things up” by trying swinging. He brushed off my feelings and said I’m being prudish.

I feel dismissed and crushed by the pressure, like my comfort and boundaries don’t matter at all.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right to feel overwhelmed and pressured.

Marriage should be a partnership, and your comfort and boundaries matter just as much as his fantasies.

Constantly being pushed into swinging, especially when it makes you feel anxious, is not acceptable.

Buying a house should be about creating a home that suits both of you, not planning spaces for parties that make you uncomfortable.

You need to have a firm conversation about your limits and make it clear that your consent and feelings are non-negotiable.

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, offers practical guidance to help you assert your boundaries.

Also consider some couples counselling through relate.org.uk (0300 003 2972).

DEVASTATED AFTER HE DUMPED ME OUT OF BLUE

DEAR DEIDRE: MY world has been turned upside down since my boyfriend broke up with me.

I’m 27, and my ex is 29. We’d been together nearly three years, and I really believed he was the one.

Things weren’t always perfect – we had a few misunderstandings and sometimes clashed over small things, but nothing that felt serious enough to end the relationship.

Then, out of the blue, he told me it wasn’t working for him any more and walked away. I’ve been left heartbroken, trying to piece together what went wrong.

Part of me desperately wants to contact him for clarity, to give me closure, while the other part of me knows it could reopen wounds and leave me feeling worse. I feel completely torn.

DEIDRE SAYS: Break-ups often leave more questions than answers, but chasing clarity from your ex may not bring the peace you’re craving.

He’s made his decision, and while it feels abrupt, pressing him for explanations risks reopening wounds and keeping you stuck.

Closure usually comes from within, not from the person who left.

Focus on your own healing by leaning on friends and family, taking care of your health and socialising again as soon as you feel ready.

My support pack, Moving On, offers guidance to help you rebuild and start looking forward.

I’M CONVINCED SHE’S CHEATING

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T shake the feeling that my girlfriend is cheating on me, even though everything about our relationship suggests otherwise.

I’m 32, she’s 30, and we’ve been together for three years. On paper, our relationship is good – we have sex almost every night, she constantly reassures me, and we spend a lot of time together.

But no matter what I do, my gut is constantly making me feel like she’s hiding something.

Every time she checks her phone, laughs at a message, or is vague about plans, my mind races.

I’ve spoken to her about it countless times and while she always sticks to the same story, insisting she’s faithful, I never feel reassured.

I’ve tried to rationalise it, but nothing she does or says seems to convince me otherwise.

Now, every day I find myself dreading going home to face her. I feel on edge all the time, and even though I love her, I struggle to enjoy being around her any more.

I’ve started wondering if ending it is the only way to stop torturing myself. It’s not that I want to, but living in constant suspicion is making me miserable.

How much longer can I go on like this?

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re clearly struggling with trust issues that are starting to take over your relationship.

Sometimes past experiences or insecurities can make us project fears on to someone who has done nothing to deserve them.

It’s important to separate feelings from facts: if there’s no proof of infidelity, the problem may lie in your own doubts rather than her behaviour.

Don’t make the mistake of ending the relationship irrationally based on a suspicion.

Consider speaking to a counsellor, either alone or together (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975) And read my support pack, Relationship MOT, to help.